Woe.

Maybe I was doomed from the start. 
I bought the yarn on sale, and the color doesn't really do me any favors. But I have 5 or 6 skeins of it and it's good plain wool and I wanted a nice plain sweater.
Seriously, isn't this enough knitting that I should have a friggin' sweater by now??? At least most of it?

That ball of yarn in the middle? That, too, was knitted up but I was so angry I wrestled with the ballwinder. At 11 pm.

Sweater #1: Vinelle
It seemed perfect; not too fiddly, not too plain.
Unfortunately I could not match gauge between my flat and circular knitting and it made me want to peel all my own fingernails off.
Frogged to make way for

Sweater #2: Marissa
Which I was using as a springboard to learn to modify my own knitting after taking Amy Herzog's fit to flatter class.
So, after much calculation on my part, I went ahead and started knitting the size small (35") and added very nice waist shaping at the center back. I knit to armhole, did neck shaping, shoulders etc. Cast off.
Too short.
Cut at bottom and knit downwards, increasing a few stitches because my hips widen?
Knit front, casting on an inch or so more to account for bust.
Knit knit knit knit
I put hours into this thing.
Knit knit knit.
Stupid way too big.
Like way too big.
Like I could hack off several inches and it would still be too big.
I feel like demanding answers of the sweater but instead I wrote myself some rules on my whiteboard.

1) Knit fabric is stretchy
2) You are not huge
3) Fuck gauge

I tried to take some pictures before frogging the entire front, but it's actually quite difficult with only a webcam. Also it may have been near midnight, and I may have been in a sour mood.

I know it doesn't look huge in this picture.
I was still in denial at this point and had stretched it behind me for a good picture.

I don't know. I kind of safety pinned the whole thing together and onto a shirt and then tried it on and... My facebook status was "can my need for safety pins be as dire as it feels?"
And then, when I was positive that the front was far too big and that in fact the back might be too big as well, I SEWED THE PIECES TOGETHER USING MATTRESS STITCH.
Because, apparently, I thought four or five inches of extra slack could be tucked away into a seam.
So, yeah. That just made more work for myself. I almost took pictures when I was taking the seam apart but I kind of didn't want proof because it's shameful.
And then I told you anyway.......

Are you familiar with The Knit Princess?
This is a perfect depiction of how I feel: Panel 3 I actually saved that image to my desktop a few months ago and edited it so it is only the 3rd panel. I wish I could have a giant poster of it. 
...
yeah.




So now I have purchased a new pattern, I Heart Aran. I plan on stuffing my pile of worthless knitted scraps into a bag behind my closet and pretending they don't exist and that this is the very first attempt at knitting anything with this yarn.
And if this doesn't work out I'm going to scream.