Here is a VERY attractive photo of me wearing the sweater before the trips.
|Messy Hair Don't Care|
|Serious Yarn Chicken|
TOTAL SIDE NOTE/DERAIL
I see a lot of memes that say "adulting" is hard. And then a lot of comments where people claim that the first step to being an adult is to not call it "adulting" because it's a sign of a childish mindset. But you know what? Adulting IS hard. If it takes proper grammar to not make it childish, then I'll phrase it this way: "Being an adult and making adult decisions is difficult." It seems like every time I come to terms with where my life is at, and start making ends meet, something happens that just throws a wrench in the gears.
I remember when I was in first grade our class talked about our fears in front of the class. Amid the fears of spiders, snakes, and heights, little dark-haired Cecilia stood in front of the class and admitted her fear of her parents getting a divorce. Awkward moment, let me tell you... Now, over 20 years later, it is finally coming to fruition and amid thoughts of (honestly) "Finally," and "But why NOW?" there is a little part of me that feels like the world is coming apart at the seams. A little part of me that's like, "Adulting is hard."
Obviously, I can't let the house get sold. We built a clubhouse in that backyard. I live in an apartment and my son spends most of his leisure time watching TV because we don't have a yard and there is just a slab of concrete outdoors. Him having a backyard to play in would be soooo good for him, and though we try to save up for a house so far it's not been working out for us. Taking over the bills and everything wouldn't be So much worse than we are already at now, in a tiny apartment. But it feels tainted to move into my family home during these circumstances. I feel like, yes of course I have to take care of my mom, who couldn't make ends meet on her own. But I feel like that would be disloyal to my dad. Which is a totally insane and childlike thought. And my brother still lives there too, so it wouldn't really feel like home anyway.
Meanwhile, I continue to go to work, I have been asked to step up as manager of the store I work at- I still pump milk during my breaks, I don't know why I feel like that's relevant to all this-and it's just... I want to go back to coloring under the covers and talking to my best friend on my walkie talkie!!! And I have to go to work in an hour, but I thought I would update you all about the sweater, because that's something I used to do and would normally take pleasure in, but this all came out instead.
And my niece is having a baby on Friday and I have work. I feel like work is just taking over my life. Which, of course it's apt to do. But jeez you would think if you work full time you could afford to not have to save up for a mop, for instance. I just breathe in and tell myself everyone is struggling. They're just not talking about it.